Investing In Your Marriage
Updated: Sep 1
“Always invest for the long term.” - Warren Buffett
The word #investment is usually associated with money. Or sometimes you invest in yourself by going to college, attending a training that advances your career, or buying a house. Most of the time, those things cost a lot of money (even causing debt) and it’s still a no-brainer to invest in them to further your success.
If you know the value of investing (for finances or for yourself), the question of the day is: do you invest in your marriage? While dating, you probably went out to a lot to restaurants, experienced fun places, or even traveled together. Your investment of time and money paid out was with a purpose to get to know each other. When you got married, you probably spent thousands of dollars on your wedding without blinking an eye. And then there was the honeymoon; the trip of a lifetime!
But now what? Often times, after the wedding bliss and honeymoon highs are over, married couples can turn into roommates instead of soulmates. It doesn’t happen over night. In fact, you might not even realize the subtle growth apart until it’s too late. John M. Gottman says,
“Some people leave a marriage literally, by divorcing. Others do so by leading parallel lives together.”
The good news?! You don’t have to stay stuck in a seasons of disconnect. You can reverse the actions that got you there and start investing in activities that lead to emotional connection again. Your relationship with your spouse needs to be fought for with fullness, with mindfulness, and with glorious intention amidst the swirling pragmatism of life if you’re ever going to fully live a life together where love doesn’t fade.
Don’t let money be an excuse. It’s a lot cheaper to invest in your marriage now than to pay for divorce (financially, physically, emotionally, etc.). So here’s 4 practical ways you can start investing in your marriage for the long term TODAY …
30 minutes of screen-free, eye contact with your spouse to talk everyday. A simple question to start this is “how was your day?” Share all the details, highlights, and lows. Don’t assume just because your spouse may not know the people you work with means that they aren’t interested. Focus, listen, and take turns opening up.
Once a month date night. Put it on the calendar, get the kids covered, make the dinner reservations. Or better yet, do something exciting with your spouse: putt putt golf, bowling, laser tag … those things aren’t just for high schoolers, you know? Try to balance fun and romance (because often times, fun can lead to romance). Budget your time and money to connect with your spouse on a regular basis. Work on continuing to build your friendship with one another, just like you did while you were dating and pursing marriage. When you intentionally do this, there’s a focus and a sacrifice you each give to each other.
A kid-free getaway (even somewhere local) at least once a year. This could be a week long for anniversary milestones, two quick weekend rendezvous, or an overnight at a local place quarterly. However you’d like to budget for it, don’t miss out on this investment to relax and just BE together away from the business of work, family, and life. Plan these together or take turns on who organizes these and surprises the other person. Keep your marriage fresh and exciting!
Vacation with your family (this time with the kids) for a week once a year. Although we are focused on building strong marriages, if you have kids, they are part of that, too. In addition to date nights and a getaway without the kids, having a family vacation all together isn’t just investing into your family/children, it’s investing into your marriage, as well. Vacation should be unplugged (don’t work just in a different location), intentional, relaxing, and fun. Building memories with your kids and spouse will refuel you like nothing else!
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