Small Things, Big Marriage: Why Daily Intentionality Changes Everything

A good marriage doesn't happen by accident and that's the heartbeat of Commitment 2 in Paul David Tripp's book Marriage: 6 Gospel Commitments Every Couple Needs to Make. This is topic of discussion on Episode 112 of the Marriage Puzzle Podcast.

If you missed episode 111 where we introduced this book series, go back and listen first — this builds on it. But here's the short version: we coincidentally started reading the same book without ever talking about it, and it's turned into a podcast series we're very excited about.

Commitment 2 is this: we will make the growth of our marriage our daily commitment. Not our someday commitment. Not our "when things get bad" commitment. Our daily one.

Here's what that's actually looked like for us lately — and what we think it could look like for you too.

You Can't Accidentally Have a Good Marriage

You can love someone deeply and still drift from them if you stop intentionally investing in the relationship. That's not a scare tactic, it's just true. Growth doesn't happen because two people love each other. It happens because two people keep choosing each other, on purpose, on the ordinary days.

One of the ways we've been living that out recently is a Bible reading challenge we started together. We're using the Everyday Gospel Bible — coincidentally written by the same author as this marriage book — and reading it together most nights before bed.

We're also recording a short video most days about how that reading ties into marriage, so if you want to follow along, find us on social media and jump in (links at the bottom of this post).

Intentionality shows up in the practical stuff too. Regular date nights don't have to mean a fancy dinner out. Some of our best nights have been board games, a deck of cards, or ordering dessert in after the kids go to bed.

We also keep a weekly marriage check-in where we talk through the wins, work through the struggles, and always end on something we're looking forward to. And once a year (we're not quite at "quarterly" yet, but we're dreaming), we plan a bigger getaway. This year that's a road trip to a wedding a few states away — and yes, we're choosing to drive instead of fly, on purpose, because a plane doesn't give you the same uninterrupted hours to talk.

Small Things Matter More Than You Think

This past week, out of nowhere, Thomas brought home flowers. No birthday. No anniversary. No "I'm sorry." Just flowers, on a random Tuesday.

Here's the backstory: earlier that day, our daughter had asked if we could get flowers for mom, and Thomas said not today. But later, after some disappointing news landed on Juli that day, it stuck with him — he knew she needed a pick-me-up, so they turned the car around and went back for them.

It wasn't a grand gesture. It was noticing. And that's what made it land.

"I felt seen. It just meant the world to me. I cried." — Juli

Here's the interesting part: gifts isn't even Juli's top love language — words of affirmation is. But the flowers still hit, because they weren't really about the gift. They were about being seen.

That's the real lesson in the five love languages: it's not just about doing the thing your spouse's love language calls for, it's about paying attention closely enough to know what they need on a given day.

Beyond love languages, we talked about four types of connection every marriage needs — and they're not all the same thing, even though a couple of them sound similar:

• Physical — Non-sexual touch counts. Someone actually reached out and told us they're buying a new couch specifically designed for cuddling up together at the end of the night instead of sitting in separate recliners. That's how seriously they're taking this.

• Emotional — This means actually putting the phone down. An "uh huh, yep, yep" while scrolling isn't connection, even if it feels like you're present.

• Spiritual — We started praying together most mornings this year, and it's changed how much we know about what's actually going on in each other's hearts and heads that day.

• Intimate — Yes, this includes sex, and we're not going to dance around it.

We've had seasons where intimacy wasn't happening the way we wanted it to, and honestly, one of the most helpful shifts for us has been scheduling it. We know that sounds unromantic to some people, but hear us out: no one wants to schedule sex, but in a dry season, it's often the difference between it happening and it not happening at all. You're not locking in a time down to the minute — you're just picking a day, putting it on the calendar, and letting the anticipation build the momentum.

If you and your spouse are in one of those seasons right now, it might be worth exploring resources built to help couples reconnect intentionally — Intimately US and Romantic Blessings both offer thoughtful, faith-friendly options for couples looking to reignite that part of their marriage.

Last small-things tip: get conversation starter cards for the car. We keep a couple's deck in ours, and instead of one person driving in silence while the other scrolls, we've got something to talk about the second the small talk runs out.

Your Marriage Needs Attention Before It Needs a Crisis

This is the heaviest of the three takeaways, and maybe the most important: don't wait until something is seriously wrong to start working on your marriage. Healthy marriages are built through consistent investment over time — not emergency repairs.

And if something is already wrong? It's not too late. You just have to decide you're willing to save it, make sure your spouse is too, and get to work together.

We're encouraged by Galatians 6:9 here: let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest, if we do not give up.

Our marriage question for you this week: what is one small thing you could intentionally do this week to make your marriage stronger?

Don't send that question to your spouse first — look in the mirror. What's an area you can improve in? What's one way you could connect with your spouse physically, emotionally, or spiritually this week?

Whether you’re newly married or have been together for years, the insights we share can help you build a more secure and loving relationship. We’d love for you to tune in and discover how you can make your marriage stronger—starting today. Find us here:

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